We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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