I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
