I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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