dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
