i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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