I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
