Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
