HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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