i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
