ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Randomize
