I bet he comes in French.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
