You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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