Sry I called you an 8
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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