At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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