dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
