Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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