apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
