I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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