you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
