The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
