I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
