fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
we're so committed to being not committed
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