Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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