Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
