White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
