I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
