maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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