You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
