You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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