as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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