I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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