I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
me + whiskey = a bad person
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize