I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
