i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
