just tell him i said nine months
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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