My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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