Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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