I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
