I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
