I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
