you win again, gameday.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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