my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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