Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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