I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
