He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
