I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
