New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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