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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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