he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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