Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
