How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
