Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
