wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
