My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
