When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
