I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
