party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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